OH MY GOD. I just got back from Jewel. I decided to go down the makeup aisle to look at some nail polish and a drag queen/trans girl stops me and says "can you help me find my shade? I need to cover this (points to a ton of acne? bumps and stubble on her jaw line)." Asking me, a girl who has worn foundation maybe 10 times in my life, was the first of only one of many, many mistakes:
1) she's black, in a predominantly white store that doesn't seem to carry foundation for black skin tones.
2) bright pink too tight shirt
3) false eyelashes, one of which was falling off
4) black leggings as pants that were so thin they were see through
5) Elmo underwear
6) apparently needed the makeup RIGHTNOW and therefore couldn't go to Ulta to get professional (i.e. not me) help
Honestly, if she hadn't pointed it out, I never would have even noticed the bumps, she was such a train wreck. egads.
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8/1/121) she's black, in a predominantly white store that doesn't seem to carry foundation for black skin tones.
2) bright pink too tight shirt
3) false eyelashes, one of which was falling off
4) black leggings as pants that were so thin they were see through
5) Elmo underwear
6) apparently needed the makeup RIGHTNOW and therefore couldn't go to Ulta to get professional (i.e. not me) help
Honestly, if she hadn't pointed it out, I never would have even noticed the bumps, she was such a train wreck. egads.
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Z: I just walked past a guy with a real live snake around his wrist!
A: Did you get a pic? A few years ago there was a guy with a cockatoo outside my jewel. Failed on the pic front with that one.
Z: Sadly, no. I only realized what it was at the last minute, and though I’ve liked reptiles all my life I only had time for a quick ‘Holy Fuck that’s a snake!’
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4/21/12
A: Speaking of songs that don’t rhyme, this cabbie has on a christian station. It’s like garth brooks hijacked the messiah.
Z: So many responses sparking in my brain: "How could even the most devoted cabbie do their job on a Friday night in Chicago by listening to this!?"; "This sounds like it came from a universe where the Protestant Reformation took place at Opryland."; "I can't believe Jesus and I used to get along so well."
Z: So many responses sparking in my brain: "How could even the most devoted cabbie do their job on a Friday night in Chicago by listening to this!?"; "This sounds like it came from a universe where the Protestant Reformation took place at Opryland."; "I can't believe Jesus and I used to get along so well."
(the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsiDukXIeVY)
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6/24/12
Z: I just very nearly crushed a small child. What is your day like that you bring a stroller to the Pride Parade?
A: I know! It’s nowhere near family friendly. Do they not realize it’s all butts and boobs?
Z: Also in ‘Do You Realize What Parade You’re At?’ News: I just got hemmed in by a bunch of guys chanting: “Show we where dem titties at!”
A: hahahaha. A couple years ago I got propositioned for sex by a guy at the parade. Um? Lol.
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Unknown date, paraphrased:--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A: I think the new schitzophrenic homeless person on my block is actually just high. They screamed "OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR DOG!" to a passing dog walker and when I walked by, "Hey! Girl! Do you have change?!"
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7/20/12
A: I know I'm not a parent and I shouldn't judge, but I'm not sure having your two under-four children brush their teeth on the city bus (and then reprimanding them when they don't brush them well enough) is the best parenting choice.
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3/10/12
A: Ah, March in Chicago. When no one knows what the hell to wear so they just pick one extreme and go with it. Flip flops and shorts or wool coat and uggs.
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12/20/11
A: This Tiffany's ad is on my bus stop shelter. Did they not think we wouldn't notice her impossible 6" heels with the 2" platform and her clinging to the guy for her life?
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