Anyway, here we go.
11/12/12
A: Today I'm the strange one on the bus. I have a bad that includes coupons, face soap, a water bottle advertising a fertility clinic, magnets, and flip flops. Donation box at work.
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12/19/12
A: When I get arrested for murder on the bus and people ask you "why'd she do it?", you can tell them it was the three people across from me staring at my absolutely huge zit and one whistler.
A: You didn't get assaulted on your street today did you?
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12/23/12
A: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. There's a robot that looks like the lost in space ones. The martians have bad green makeup. You gotta see it.
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12/28/12
A: When I marry Darren Criss and we buy a mansion, we're getting a guest house so I can live in my squalor undisturbed. This cleaning for company shit sucks.
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1/12/13
A: I'm feeling about 75% better. However, my nose looks like a leper who snorts coke.
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1/18/13
A, 4:33pm: A woman on this train is eating a taco. Bitch.
A, 4:35pm: Omg and now she's whipped out a bag of cookies.
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1/21/13
A: Wow, J jumped on my mention of Florida like a cheetah on a gazelle.
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1/24/13
A: There is an Indian gaming tradeshow and convention (a person on the bus has a pamphlet). I didn't realize they were so organized.
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4/27/13
A, about a tv show: Insane Bathrooms. This artist who covers everything he owns in mosaic glass, including the skirt he was wearing, was crying over the beauty of his bathroom.
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5/9/13
A, to work colleague: Dying. Coming back from the dead tomorrow. Start planning the party.
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6/2/13
A, at Star Trek Con: LeVar is walking like he got hit by a truck and is wearing shades inside. Hungover much? :)
A, later: According to LeVar, Jonathan Frakes is hard to keep up with liquor-wise. :)
A: Two dachshunds just walked by, unfortunately they were gone before I could get a pic. Best con yet.
A: OH in the bathroom: "I lost my marble, can you help me find it?" She was being literal.
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6/8/13
A: The only word my cab driver is saying on the phone that I can understand is "police" and he's saying it a LOT.
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6/14/13
A: So far on this train home, there's a boy who looks exactly like the boy in Up, and a guy who looks like the child of RB (our mutual friend) and Chris Colfer.
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6/15/13
A: Sign in a window on Addison: yoga kills.
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6/19/13
A: restaurant Wood's name for their brunch? Morning Wood.
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6/22/13
A, to Brian: I'm at pride and I've already gotten free bacon and a free vibrator.
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6/24/13
A, to work colleague while waiting at the Loop post office to get my passport: I just got someone to take my papers, been here about 20 minutes. I was on the verge of acting suspicious to get attention.
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6/28/13
A: Do you think it's possible (probable) for a mouse to get struck by lightning?
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6/30/13
A: Sign: girlfriend kidnapped by ninjas. Need money for ransom and kung fu lessons.
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8/2/13
A: Wallpaper on the phone of the guy next to me studying for a hospitality management exam: keep calm and twerk.
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8/4/13
A: I think I just passed a guy with the state of Illinois tattooed on his cheek.
A: Also overheard: "you're mixing up the transexuals." I love my 'hood.
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8/7/13
A: Streetwise man has switched from a horse puppet to a penguin.
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8/10/13
A: The amount of back hair at Market Days is unparalleled. Is it making a come back or something?
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8/11/13
A: Just overheard in Wrigleyville: want to get something to eat? We could split a sandwich or a beer.
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8/29/13
A: Addison red line bus stop:
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8/31/13
A: I'm heading home on the 36. Homeless guy gets on at Waveland with his bags of stuff. Older woman gets on at Addison, is on for 20 seconds (we're still at the light), then says, "get me off your bus, it smells!"
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9/10/13
A: Watching a schizophrenic man have a convo w/his imaginary friend on the bus. He's learned if he just thinks the words, his friend can hear him and real people can't, but he hasn't figured out how to not talk with his hands.
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9/12/13
A, recounting a Senior show to work colleague: Repeat after me: "we need to learn, how not to burn!". Fire chief is here, lol.
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9/21/13
A: Pretty sure this little 4/5 year old girl in a pink hoodie and frilly dress just told her parents she wants a wife. Very cute.
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9/25/13
A: Is there a rap song that mentions Hitler, prostates, and circumcision? Trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt that he's singing along to a song.
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9/27/13
A, to friend also from NWI, on my way to my folks: I caught the 4:05 today, and there's a chick who brought a bottle of wine and a big, glass wine glass. She's tanked. This train is getting ridiculous.
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10/2/13
A, about Portland: Tell J to avoid Mia Mozzarella in the airport. The pizza somehow manages to taste like a poptart.
A: Hot guy in a cowboy hat strumming a ukelele in the airport. Welcome to Portland to me. :)
A: And he's speaking Italian and his Italian band mates have joined him.
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10/4/13
A, still in Portland: The train is female. "Exit to my right".
A: I'm in a candy store and there's a 40-something woman high as a kite fascinated by the mood rings. "It turned blue! I have to write this down.Woah."
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10/9/13
A: Little bit of death with today's Money Mailer.
10/11/13
A: Just watched a man putting his pants on next to the lincoln park canal. Random naked men just don't have the same appeal at 7:30am.
A: Someone hung a sign on a light post on Jackson for the marathon: remember, you PAID to do this!
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10/18/13
A: Got a spam email, thought it said Gotham University. I was so excited, I wanted a Batman degree. But it was really Grantham. So a Downton degree. Not quite as magical, but close.
A: I think this tourist thought I was taking him for a sucker by telling him he had to go upstairs to get to the mag mile. "But we're at street level!"
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11/7/13
A: new bus. They're really getting adamant about this now.
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11/12/13
A: Bumper sticker: Honk if you like to fuck. I can just imagine children passing that car and loudly asking their parents what it is in front of old people.
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11/13/13
A: Ugh. "Not today" was already out of my mouth when I looked up and the Children's International guy was HOT. I suppose it's for the best...he's probably all generous and shit.
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11/20/13
A: My cabbie just asked if it was ok if he talked on the phone. I regret saying yes, his laugh sounds like he's vomiting and he's talking to a comedian or something.
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11/25/13
A: There's a wheelchair stamped onto the three seater I'm on. A guy just went to sit next to me and was like, "can I sit here with that there?" I said yes, he sat for a minute then moved. So I guess the overzealousness works?
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12/15/13
A: On the 36, guy loudly ranting and raving about letting this older woman have it because she was standing in the aisle by the door, blocking people coming in. She gets off, he stands up, goes to the same exact spot, and blocks people coming in while still ranting about the woman.
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12/21/13
A: Just sniffed my shirt and skin. I didn't think the restaurant was that stinky but I do smell Polish.
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1/22/14
A: "What a good idea it was to take this course and buy this book." - corporate law book I'm reading over the shoulder of the girl next to me on the bus.
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2/5/14
A: Guy next to me on the bus is full on headbanging and air guitaring to an Alice Cooper vid on his phone. Too early for this.
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2/6/14
A: Homeless man with real, one legged rooster at corner of randolph and state. They pose for pictures I guess.
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2/13/14
A, to work colleague: If compensation for no summer Fridays is casual Fridays, compensation for no raise should be jeans everyday.
A: My cab driver is wearing a suit. Cause for concern?
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2/18/14
A: Yet another person has been abducted by aliens at my bus stop, this time right out of their yellow socks.
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2/23/14
A: Tip to prevent your dog from being stolen when you leave it to go into a store: leave your 5 year old child with it!
A: Middle aged weirdo on the 36 with a lisp and a malfunctioning record player: "yeah, I can't go out at night, there are too many strange people on this bus."
A: Her companion's name is Jerry. I know this because she says it every other sentence.
A: If you're firm and intent and follow all the rules, then the lord is with you. And apparently gives you $2k. And now another friend just got on the bus.
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2/25/14
A: bigassfans.com. Guy on the bus had it on his hat. I'm surprised and disappointed that the company makes fans. Though their logo IS a donkey butt.
Z: Haha! They're from Kentucky-where they have a 'Big Ass Scholars' program. Calling Sir-Mix-a-Lot.
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3/6/14
A: unexpected but makes sense: homeless people in the closing Sears buying 60% off suitcases.
Z: Right on the campus of Moody Bible Institute. ps Hope they're getting some good deals on those suitcases.
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3/9/14
A: 3/4 year old on the 36: "get your dookie off of my booty!" Their parents are radio-playing.
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